I Don’t Want Your Diet Advice, You Skinny Bitch!
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Who is this crazy woman who siphoned some green algae off the walls of her aquarium, stuck it in a blender with water and announced on TV that I could lose 25 pounds in 5 minutes by drinking it? This is who is telling me how to lose weight? And why am I listening to her? Because she’s thin?
That’s it I’m done! Done listening to the multitude of skinny women who gained 15 pounds once, lost it 12 seconds later because they ran a flight of stairs and announced they have a diet plan for me! Done with berry trees, powdered shakes, frozen dinners (which cost more than gym memberships). Done with low carbs, high carbs, no carbs, high protein, low protein, no protein, low-fat, low sugar, low calorie , no taste, crappy, expensive, ridiculous diets.
But most of all I’m done listening to advice from skinny women that have no clue what I’m going through!
So to the following women, who meet my definition of skinny:
1. Any woman who started out thin, stayed thin, lives thin and breathes thin. Listen you have no idea what its like to be fat. You don’t understand struggles that fat women deal with. You do not ride on my emotional roller coaster and you can probably buckle that belt anyway. So shut it!
2. Any woman who eats a carrot, forcefully vomits it up, says she ate too much this week and proceeds to starve for 3 days. You know who you are girls, and I while I admire your dedication to be stupid.. I mean thin,.. I’d rather my heart attack came by doughnut, not ketosis! Please shut up.
3. Any woman who has never been more than 20 pounds overweight in her life. You are either genetically gifted, belong in categories 1 or 2, or a combination of 1 and 2. Shut up!
4. Any woman who has never had trouble buckling a belt on a plane, roller coaster. Shut your mouth!
You have no clue what you’re talking about. You may have a degree from 6 universities and maybe even some people have lost weight on your programs.. and maybe even kept it off, its possible, unlikely, but possible, but you still have zero idea about what you’re spewing.
So before you open your carrot-eating, 110 pound, size 4 mouth I want to tell you to SHUT UP.
My twinkie-eating, 200 pound, size 24 ass will take advice from someone that’s been there and done that.